Perfect Love Casts Out Fear.

We have arrived in Mexico!! It is so refreshing to be back here on the base with our missionaries, and the youth. The beautiful misty mornings were everything sticks to your skin, everyone walking around with unusually big hair from the humidity, cold from the temperature outside, but not wanting to wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt because everything still feels wet. it truly is great! - haha! With all silliness aside, there is nothing to describe the feeling of being here. 

Today, we have a lot of new opportunities in front of us! As I was in my devotional time this morning I was struck with fear inside of me, with what is awaiting me today. What is the new orphanage going to be like? What kind of people are we going to meet? Will I be good enough for God to work in these new places? Can God use me? But I remembered a promise of God in Jeremiah. 

Jeremiah 18:6 - “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord. “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand. so are you in My hand.” 

And 

Isaiah 64:8 - But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your Hand.

God is there in the midst of my fear, He knows how to place my fear to the side and fill my heart with his courage and his strength. I am in God’s hand, He's holding me. And where ever He places me today is where He knows I will be most blessed and where He will get the most glory. There’s no pretending to be good, or think we can do it on our own. It actually halts Gods movement in our life. We need God. I need God today. So, today I say God anything. God I will do anything for you. Take me where You desire, show me Your heart in today. Show me Your desire for today. I'm going to swallow my fear. Because Your perfect love casts out fear. 

We are off!

We left for Mexico at 8:30 this morning! We have a team full of energy and excitement, curiousity, and anxiousness to see Jesus move! I can't wait to see his handy work and see the Holy Spirit move in the hearts of this team. 

But let me just tell you, a van full of middle schoolers is an experience within its self. I didn't know you could have 5 different conversations going at once and some how, have them all meet together and tie into one conversation! Riddle games involving rabbits, strings, and turtles! (I'm still trying to figure it out!!) Boys making up their own rap songs in the back row, and some reading quietly to themselves. I love the diversity of this group! Our team is such a beautiful example of how unique God creates each individual. He hand picked every individual, and brought them on a team to work as one. I can honestly say, this is the first team I've been apart of that compliments each other so easily. We are all so different, it works. I'm so egar to see God move through our team! 

Please continue to pray for every heart on this trip! That we would humble ourselves before our Father and die to our flesh, and be vessels for the work of God as we embark on this journey this week! 

There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills. For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body— whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and have all been made to drink into one Spirit. For in fact the body is not one member but many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” No, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary. And those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor; and our unpresentable parts have greater modesty, but our presentable parts have no need. But God composed the body, having given greater honor to that part which lacks it, that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually. (I Corinthians 12:4-27)

Here We Go.

The pictures above are from our trip to Mexico last year. How amazing this beautiful place is. God did so much in the midst of that trip last year. Since I haven’t wrote to you in a very long time (SO SORRY!!), life kind of got crazy once I returned from Mexico last year, let me give you an update! 

God showed me SO SO much last year, about myself and what my life was going to hold. When I returned, I started a course at my church called School of Ministry. I was beyond excited to learn about God’s word in a new way. My first two classes were Life of Christ and World Missions, these classes walked you through Jesus’ ministry here on earth and what we call the Great Commission and really breaking it down to better understand what Jesus calls us to in our everyday life. These classes were so eye opening and encouraging. After the first quarter, I began Old Testament Survey and Theology. Holy Cow. Let me tell you, I became overwhelmed very quickly! There was so much information to take in I thought my brain was going to explode! And to be transparent with you all, I became so overwhelmed with those classes, after I finished I stopped the program. I realize now, the reason I became so overwhelmed was because I wan’t relying on Jesus to be my strength. Looking back at it, I wish I stuck through it and finished the next two quarters. But hey! maybe one day I will in Gods perfect timing and will. Soon after, I started working my retail job more and became more involved in serving. God was working and showing me a lot about my job, my life and what He his will was .

Before the trip, I was having a lot of heartache and worry about a certain friendship I had with a friend for long time. We had been friends since we were in Jr. high. The heart of our friendship was based on God and His word, we always encouraged one another with scripture and prayer. We had so much fun together. I loved spending time with him, and getting to know him. I found myself  in love with the idea of spending the rest of my life with this guy. We were both going on this Mexico trip with the Jr. High school group. I was excited to see God work! But their was apart of me that was broken and hurt by what was happening in that particular season. I had to let him go, I had to give him to Jesus. I was scared at what that was going to look like, but I knew I had to do it. In the midst of my surrender and God’s hand in my life. He completely blew me away. The week went on, I watch Matt serve Jesus, love Jesus, and worship Jesus with all of his being. Matt was everything I wanted in a partner, and God thought so too. Toward the end of the trip God confirmed to me that Matt was the one he created for me, to love and to serve Him with. I remember sitting down with two of my mentors, explaining to them how much I loved him, and what God was showing me concerning him. And tears of joy ran down my cheeks, with a soft smile from ear to ear. The more I talked, the more I knew. And little did I know God was doing the same thing in Matt’s heart too.

Here we are about a year later. Its been 10 months since he asked to court me. God, seriously blew my mind with how he worked in this area of my life. I had to completely give Matt to God and surrender my desires to him in order for the Lord to give him to me. God wanted my heart first before he was going to allow some else to step into my life and walk through life with me. I still have to give myself to God daily and surrender my heart and feelings to him. God is still on the throne of my heart. Earthly relationships should never take the spot of your relationship with your Heavenly Father. God created earthly relationships to mirror His relationship with the church. 

Walking through life with someone else is such a crazy humbling experience. You learn so much about yourself and the other person, and about Jesus. It’s eye opening. God continues to blow me away everyday with this guy in my life. I can’t wait to see what God’s plan holds for Matt and I as we serve and love Him. 

We leave for Mexico tomorrow morning. We have a total of 12 Jr. High schoolers, and about 6 leaders going. I am beyond excited for what God has in this week! Our team would so appreciate your prayers as we embark on this week. Pray our hearts would be humbled and willing, and that God would bring unity to the team and that we would work as one. I will try to post every day and give a run down on what we do from day to day (fingers crossed). ;) 

Here we go!

“He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” - John 7:38 

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

“teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen. - Matt 28:18-20

Beauty in Transparency.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 

― C.S Lewis. The Four Loves

When I first heard the quote above from C.S Lewis, I didn’t quite understand it. His words struck me, and caught me off guard. As I pondered this quote, God began to show me a lot about vulnerability and transparency. 

Being open and transparent with people is hard, even to the people you love the most. Why do we find it so difficult? Is it fear of rejection, or possible hurt? Fear of what will come about once you reveal the depths of your heart?

 My personality is very open, and bubbly. I love talking with people over a cup of coffee, and having heart to hearts. Its something I enjoy tremendously! But I have a hard time talking about my struggles with eating. I fear being this open with people, even those closest to me. But God started to convict me of this.

When I gave this area of my life to the Lord, I knew the moment came to where I had to be real. vulnerable. I had to let people in. I needed people in my life to ask me the hard questions, and be that accountability I needed. Be the friend to pray with and share with. I’ve heard it said like this, we were created in community for community. We need community. We need fellowship. We need others. As women, we need lives to lock arms with. There was something so freeing about the conversations I had with other people about my struggles. And what made it so precious was that they understood, and wanted to help me through this journey of mine. There is so much healing in allowing people in, sometimes it will hurt and be hard. But often times I find, when it gets harder, greater will the amount of healing be in the end. 

God wants to bring those people in your life, He wants you free and full of joy. Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. We need one another to build each other up, to love on, and to grow. we need community. First it started with being transparent with Him, then comes with those around you. God never meant for us to be isolated, and kept in the secrecy of our own heart. He wants us to be open, transparent and vulnerable. He was open, and vulnerable for us. He wants to know us. He wants to know you. There is so much freedom and beauty in transparency. 

Be free, be open, be vulnerable, be who God wants you to be. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEcvRKsmeoE  

The Video above is one of my most favorite Spoken Word videos from Jefferson Bethke. This Spoken Word encouraged me to be at that place of transparency with others! I hope you too, are encouraged. 

Freedom Found in the Truth.

As my struggle with eating went on God started to soften my heart. His conviction of my sin became louder and clearer. I started to see the truth and the true fifth of the lies I was believing. 

As I continued bundling things up inside, I started to see it destroying me more, making me cold and weak. My mind felt dark and depressed. I had no joy. No thanksgiving. - Oh, I had a smile on my face and seemed cheery as I talked with my friends, but leaving I always felt hopeless and enslaved. I remember vividly a prayer I prayed to the Lord one day… “Lord, I feel so alone. I know I’m trapped in this cycle of not eating enough because I’m completely terrified of gaining weight. I want to fit in. I want to look like the beautiful girls. I want a guy to notice me. I feel as though I’m in a dark room, with no light, and I can’t get out. No one understands. There’s no way I can tell anyone that could really help me either—I’m ashamed. Embarrassed. I mean, I’m a youth leader. I’m supposed to have it all together. I’m supposed to be leading other girls and helping them through their struggles. Jesus, Help me.”

Finally, the Lord intervened. Yes, the Lord had been there the entire time. His heart hurt every time I idolized eating. Every time I didn’t eat something out of fear. Every time I believed a lie in my head about how skinny is beautiful. Every time I ran to controlling my food, instead of trusting Him. He had been there—with arms open wide, wanting me to come to Him. 

 My journey with eating was long. But the moment I surrendered and -brought it to the light- God freed me. I am so thankful for our Lord Jesus who loved me so much that He pursued me in my mess and came to my rescue. He didn’t let me stay in the filth of my sin. Yes, it was humbling. Yes, it was hard, and yes sometimes I fell right back into it. But slowly, He loosened my grip and freed me from my desire to control. He set me free. Our God is a God who frees us. By His power, we can truly live. I have to be honest with you—I still have to fight. I still have to choose to believe in His truth about my body image. Some days more than others. But I’m not a slave anymore. I know the truth, and when I am tempted—I know where to run. I have treasured His word in my heart and know how to overcome the lies that Satan and the world and my own flesh throw at me. And when I do fall, or start to realize a lie I am believing, I quickly run to Him, and ask His help, remember the Spirit’s power in me. As one who has walked this rugged path, I can assure you, there is freedom found in the truth. 

God started to bring me right to His word and started to reveal all His precious promises to me. I was soon in such awe by His compassion and love toward His children. I think its absolutely crazy just how much God has to say about us in His word. He speaks of us being a special treasure to Him, chosen, bought with a great price, of great value, we are His workmanship made in His image, His beloved. We are HIS BRIDE. How beautiful is that. And the list goes on some. We belong to a mighty King who pursues us daily, chasing after our hearts. 

You remember the picture I put in my previous post? Well, here it is again, but this time the original picture is next to it. 

Now look closely at it. On the cover she is flawless. No imperfections. Now, take a look at the original picture. You see a difference? One is made perfect by computers and editing programs, and the other is simply beautiful because its fully her. See, here is the thing. The world has distorted our image of beauty. The world tells us we need to be skinny to be pretty, perfectly made up to be wanted, and fake to be accepted. But, Jesus. Jesus says none of that matters to me. He made you in His image and called it good. God, Almighty Creator, made US in HIS image. Let that sink into the depths of your heart for a minute. 

If I look back on my journey, and look a little deeper, when I look at the heart. The reason I fell into this trap was because, I didn’t truly believe God loved me. I didn’t believe God loved me, wanted me, cherished me, saved me, covered me with His love, and called me for His purpose. But He was faithful, throughout this to show me who I am, and who I belong to. That is Him. Jesus, through this trial showed me the glory and power in His name, the freedom in His truth, and the presence of His love. Now, I know who I am, and who I belong to, and where my security is. I know this love that came to set me free.  

God wants you to have freedom from your bondage. God wants you to know HIS Love for you. Its precious, sweet, and unconditional. Its pure, gentle and compassionate. Do you believe He loves you?

Do you believe there is hope?

There is healing.

There is power in the name of Jesus.

There is freedom.

Jesus came to set us free.

Are you free? 

Do you believe YOU are LOVED? 

Jeremiah 31:3 - The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Galatians 5:1 - Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

John 8:32 - And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Prisoner to the Lies.

This is the start of a three day series in finding victory in the dark seasons of your life. God brought me out of a dark season of deception and lies. He gave me freedom in the truth. So here I am. I pray this encourages you and brings you hope in Jesus and in the season of life you may be in. 

I started walking with the Lord when I was 14 years old. I felt this new breath of life. This freshness. This beauty I had never felt before. God started to grab hold of my heart. The season of transformation began to take place. But as time went on, life got hard, my walk with Jesus became harder. I didn’t know how to handle the stress of life. I started to drift away from the truth I had hidden in my heart. I started to fall into the enemies trap of lies and deception. And he caught me where he catches most girls. Their image. I gave into the deceiving image of what true beauty was. 

I never really had body image issues until I was about 16 years old. The enemy had thrown so many lies into my mind. I became weak, cold and bitter toward myself. I became deep into the bondage of my sin. Because of this, I had developed an eating disorder around the age of 17. It started as more of a mental issue, putting myself down and discouraging myself. But it wasn’t long before I acted upon those thoughts and meals became less and less. My thoughts controlled me, the idea of gaining an ounce brought me to the edge of my anxiety.

You see this picture above? Pearly white teeth. Perfect highlights and wind blown hair. Not a pimple or wrinkle on her face. She’s skinny. She is perfect, don't you think? This is what the world thinks of true beauty. And I fell so deep into believing this was the truth. This is Beautiful. 

Although it had started off as wanting to be beautiful, I had bought into the lie that beauty = skinny, the root really became that I wanted to be in control. Counting my calories, and choosing only certain food, fed my pride. I could control it. I could manage my weight by choosing not to eat something. When something in my life was out of my control—not having a boyfriend, friend problems, overwhelmed with daily tasks—there was one place I ran that I could control, eating. I kept running to Jesus and asking Him for help with this, but I still never fully surrendered. I never fully trusted. Instead, I did things my way and with a tight fist, chose what to eat and what not to eat.

For about 2 years, this eating disorder controlled me. Yes, I had some days or seasons that were better than others, but nevertheless I was a slave to it. 

The world grabbed me, and its false image. I was chasing lies. Chasing something that only caused more brokenness. I had been running toward something so unrealistic, I couldn’t even remember where my true identity was found. Was it in the changing trends every six months? Was it the number on the scale? Was it by how many eyes I could catch? Was it in finding acceptance? How about, how can I look like her on the magazine cover? I fell into the danger of comparison. Often times as women, I think that's something we struggle with the most, is comparing ourselves to other women, like their personality and their body image. And the more we desire to be like these other women, we find ourselves trying to become a copy of them, changing our attitude, the way we dress, talk, and feel. We become somebody else. I became somebody else. I wasn’t myself. I lost my identity to the girls I was trying to compare myself too. This journey was long and hard. I didn’t let anyone in. It was me and the weight of brokenness and fear. I was a prisoner to the lies.

 But God after time started to soften my heart. He started to show me who I am.

Come Back tomorrow, and find out how to find Freedom in the truth. and How God had grabbed me out of the bondage of my sin. 

About me.

Me. 

 

Oh, how I would just love to sit down over a cup of coffee with you, have a heart to heart on life and everything that comes with it. But, since we don't have that kind of time, let me just briefly tell you about myself.


   I'm Christina, my life is consumed around Jesus, family, and ministry. Jesus is my everything and the sole person who my life revolves around. He saved me from the darkness of this world, and brought me into the light of life with Him. As you read further posts on my blog, you'll see more about Jesus, and how He has changed my life so dramatically. My family is a huge part of my life, I love spending time with them and creating sweet memories with them. I may have a very dysfunctional one, but I wouldn't have it any other way! - hehe! Ministry is my life. I love people, and walking through this journey we call life with them along their side. Encouraging, and loving on them the way I've been taught by Jesus. Jesus loves me, showed me His grace. I want to share the same love and grace with everyone around me.

My life is a roller coaster. That's the best way I can describe it to you. It has its high moments, of sweet, joyful times, moments full of laughter and giggles and smiles, where everything seems perfect. And it has its low, twists and turns of moments where its messy, challenging, heart aching, and difficult. But, I count it all joy, with gladness, knowing it all works together in the end. Jesus holds my world in His hand and makes it go round. He's brought me from season to season, from mountain top to valley, to grow and shape me. and He always brings me to His love.


Just some sweet moments that capture my life.

I love reading my Bible and journaling. - and Of course their is always coffee ;)

Dancing is another huge part of my life. From getting trained up, I now teach it!

I love going out into God's beautiful creation!