Prisoner to the Lies.

This is the start of a three day series in finding victory in the dark seasons of your life. God brought me out of a dark season of deception and lies. He gave me freedom in the truth. So here I am. I pray this encourages you and brings you hope in Jesus and in the season of life you may be in. 

I started walking with the Lord when I was 14 years old. I felt this new breath of life. This freshness. This beauty I had never felt before. God started to grab hold of my heart. The season of transformation began to take place. But as time went on, life got hard, my walk with Jesus became harder. I didn’t know how to handle the stress of life. I started to drift away from the truth I had hidden in my heart. I started to fall into the enemies trap of lies and deception. And he caught me where he catches most girls. Their image. I gave into the deceiving image of what true beauty was. 

I never really had body image issues until I was about 16 years old. The enemy had thrown so many lies into my mind. I became weak, cold and bitter toward myself. I became deep into the bondage of my sin. Because of this, I had developed an eating disorder around the age of 17. It started as more of a mental issue, putting myself down and discouraging myself. But it wasn’t long before I acted upon those thoughts and meals became less and less. My thoughts controlled me, the idea of gaining an ounce brought me to the edge of my anxiety.

You see this picture above? Pearly white teeth. Perfect highlights and wind blown hair. Not a pimple or wrinkle on her face. She’s skinny. She is perfect, don't you think? This is what the world thinks of true beauty. And I fell so deep into believing this was the truth. This is Beautiful. 

Although it had started off as wanting to be beautiful, I had bought into the lie that beauty = skinny, the root really became that I wanted to be in control. Counting my calories, and choosing only certain food, fed my pride. I could control it. I could manage my weight by choosing not to eat something. When something in my life was out of my control—not having a boyfriend, friend problems, overwhelmed with daily tasks—there was one place I ran that I could control, eating. I kept running to Jesus and asking Him for help with this, but I still never fully surrendered. I never fully trusted. Instead, I did things my way and with a tight fist, chose what to eat and what not to eat.

For about 2 years, this eating disorder controlled me. Yes, I had some days or seasons that were better than others, but nevertheless I was a slave to it. 

The world grabbed me, and its false image. I was chasing lies. Chasing something that only caused more brokenness. I had been running toward something so unrealistic, I couldn’t even remember where my true identity was found. Was it in the changing trends every six months? Was it the number on the scale? Was it by how many eyes I could catch? Was it in finding acceptance? How about, how can I look like her on the magazine cover? I fell into the danger of comparison. Often times as women, I think that's something we struggle with the most, is comparing ourselves to other women, like their personality and their body image. And the more we desire to be like these other women, we find ourselves trying to become a copy of them, changing our attitude, the way we dress, talk, and feel. We become somebody else. I became somebody else. I wasn’t myself. I lost my identity to the girls I was trying to compare myself too. This journey was long and hard. I didn’t let anyone in. It was me and the weight of brokenness and fear. I was a prisoner to the lies.

 But God after time started to soften my heart. He started to show me who I am.

Come Back tomorrow, and find out how to find Freedom in the truth. and How God had grabbed me out of the bondage of my sin.