Brokenness for Beauty.

 

 

 

Healing takes place, when the realization of hurt is made known to self

and to the Healer.

 

These past few weeks, I have come to understand brokenness, and how it’s not necessarily a burden. Now, don’t get me wrong being broken is painful, but out of it comes beauty, and the incredible feeling of healing. Let me explain.

It’s a new year! How exciting, new years resolutions, the starting of a new year, a new you! You start out the year, with the attitude, “THIS is going to be THE year.” “THIS year will be better than last year.” and you have such high expectations on what this year will hold, you’ve started to plan things out, you have an idea on what you think your year will hold, what it will look like. Now, if you’re anything like me, you did exactly what I explained above, and actually believed it. I went into this year, with expectations as high as the tallest mountain. I was content with the idea I had of my year. Content, what a dangerous word. When we are content, that should be a warning label for us, a warning that discomfort, and trail, and the time of stretching and growing is about to take place. And that’s exactly what happen. I became content with where I was. Because I was “in control” of what was going on. I was arranging plans, and organizing my year, I had my own plan going on. I had figured out who my “future husband” was, I had planned out what college I was going to attend, I had decided what ministry I was going to be in. I had it all figured out. So I thought. New years day hits, I find out one of my family members is becoming greatly sick. A week rolls out, The lord shows me, my “future husband” isn’t interested and He has someone else for me. The next day, the Lord shows me more about college. Few days later He shows me to step down from that ministry. So in a matter of 10 days, He caused a complete 180 to happen to my future. I all of a sudden became broken, scared, worried, terrified, and completely shaken, because I started to take control. I became content. We were not meant to be in control. We were not meant to be content in life. We’re made to be stretched, to live in abandonment, to serve the Lord. To trust in the plan HE has laid out before us. In the matter of these two weeks, I became very bitter and broken down. I became miserable, hurt, and lonely. Very empty. I bundled everything up in side. Hoping it would all disappear on its own, I wouldn’t have to confront the mess which laid in front of my very own eyes. The mess in my heart.

I went on a youth retreat with my youth group up in Big Bear, CA and we joined up with another youth group there. The retreat was themed “Encounter” and the word Encounter means, to unexpectedly experience or to be faced with (Something difficult). Or to meet (someone) unexpectedly. A confrontation. Now, going to this retreat, I had no idea what this really meant, to be honest. I kind of pushed the whole thing aside, held my grudge and went on the retreat because I knew it was going to be fun and all my friends were going. I knew I was going to experience God. But, I didn’t expect to experience Him the way I did. The first night was good, met new people, we had our bible study, worship, had a time of sweet fellowship. I was away from the distractions at home, I was happy to be there. The next day, I was completely miserable, I missed the morning devo due to oversleeping and getting ready, lost track of time. So the enemy took advantage of that, and starting to mess with my head, bringing up all the things back at home. He cause me to worry about what was going on at home, and caused me to become stressed because I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t eat all day, I didn’t really hangout with anybody, I missed out on all the activities, I was hurt. Broken like never before. But again all I did was push it to the side and tried to let it work itself out. We come to our final session that day, I didn’t get into worship, I stood there wondering when it was going to be over. Worship ends, we sit down in our seats, they announce the teacher and the title of the teaching. “Pain, and Suffering. Why its okay to experience Brokenness.”

Divine appointment, you’d say?

I so wasn’t ready for what was about to take place. The minute the speaker started talking, it was like the Lord was directly speaking to me. The speaker was talking about his sick grandfather, and how he had no control over what was going to happen to him, all he knew is what The Lord had spoke to him to ministry to his grandfather, and that his grandfather needed to come to know the Lord. He was kept talking about how much brokenness he experienced, the pain, the suffering. But he said once he laid it before the Alter of the King, let the Lord have control of the situations. His brokenness became beauty. His grandfather became saved, and all the uncertainly became clear. Because he died to himself, to follow Christ. I sat there and cried the whole service. I finally had my encounter, with my Savior. Once I let go, of all I had held inside, He finally had HIS way in me. I sat there, being held in the arms of my best friend, my sister in the Lord, while I was weeping, I felt the hands of the God just taking each worry, each piece of hurt, every broken piece, I felt Him taking all the junk out and filling it with Himself, with His unconditional love. We prayed together, and peace now dwells in my heart, I could laugh out of Joy in the Lord again. He took my brokenness, and turned it to beauty. Because I can now, let go and TRUST Him, and KNOW, He has control. I came back from that retreat refreshed and awakened. Peaceful. Healed. I understood how I need to be more faithful to the Lord just as He is me. I know He is going to create such beauty in the midst of my life. Because its HIM, working it all out. I no longer worry about what this year will hold. All I know is, when I hear that word, “Come.” I will follow.

The enemy has no victory over us. Jesus has won it all. So when the enemy, when he starts to fill your heart and mind with things that hurt, or scare you, or worry you, or are false. True away from him and listen to what God is speaking to you. Be in prayer. When we pray, we are admitting our needs, our helplessness, our brokenness. We are admitting our need for God’s power, willingness, and faithfulness. We are asking in faith. The only way we can fight the battle is if we are seeking the instruction of our Commander, Our Lord. Jesus, performed all of His amazing miracles and works, He was only able to do all He did, because He spent time in prayer. He spent time laying everything down before His father. Seeking His Fathers will and guidance. We need to be doing the same in order to encounter our Savior daily. Just like scripture says, when we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. (James 4:8) the same goes for the enemy. When we give up ourselves to the enemy and his doing, The enemy is drawing closer to us. luring us in. don't draw close to the enemy. Draw closer to God. Draw from His Living Water. Trust Him with all you are. He will grow you. Shape you. Turn your brokenness to beauty. Heal your hurting soul. And bring peace and joy to your heart.

 

 

Jesus Fulfilled the Unfulfilled.

Deuteronomy 5:29 - [The Lord said,] 'Oh, that they had such a heart in them that they would fear Me, and always keep all My commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever.
The Ten Commandments are more than God saying, "Here is My Law for you"---- they are God saying, "Here is My love for you."

And three times the Israelites say yes, this we will do---- we do, we do, we do. God gives His people this gift, these two tablets of stone with His handwritten commitment to love, and He aches. "oh, that they had such hearts..... Oh, that--- this expression of unfulfilled longing in the Hebrew. God longs: "Oh, that your heart would obey Me not because of Law, but because of love." God knows how we say I do---but don't. God longs that our hearts would be inclined to be in wonder and awe of Me, enraptured by Me-- that is what fear means in the original Hebrew. God knows how we say we wonder and we worship---but we don't.

The Ten Commandments are a command to relationship. To love vertically, to love horizontally, to love relationship. God's unfulfilled longing spills through time.

Jesus.

Jesus, the Love who seven days later went to the Cross to fulfill the unfulfilled, to pay the price for our broken love like we never could, to love God for His unbroken love like we never have.

Jesus, The Love who hangs on a Tree, who cries out our yes to the covenant: “My God, My God.” Yes, You are mine. I am Yours. Yes, you are the Lord my God. Jesus, the Love who doesn’t just die the death we deserved to die; He lives the love we’ve desired to live. God gives the Commandments to us----and God gives God to keep the commandments for us. God gives us the commitment of love at the top of Sinai, and He staggeringly keeps our commitment to love at the top of Calvary.

Who needs more than being loved to death?

“Love is the greatest thing God can give us, for himself is love.” - Jeremy Taylor

“And [love] is the greatest thing we can give to God, for it will also give ourselves…. The apostle calls [love] the bond of perfection. It is the old and it is the new, and it is the greatest commandment, and it is all the commandments, for it is the fulfilling of the law.”

God gives God. And Jesus fulfills all the Law, all our love.

From Ann Voskamp’s Christmas Devotional, “The Greatest Gift.”

Today I woke up in a horrible mood, I wanted nothing more than to stay in my bed and sleep the day away. I didn’t want to read my devotional, it was already one of “those” days.. Then I read this chapter today. And God convicted me big time. He put me right in my place. Bowing before His feet for forgiveness. For grace over my heart. Humility to just fill my heart. I had never thought of that verse in Deuteronomy that way. Those few words, “Oh, that.” I never saw that as Gods longing. His longing for my love. It broke my heart, when I realized how many times I say, “I will.” or “I do.” to the Lord, and never actually did something about it. Truly recognizing His sacrifice for love, brought my heart to a state of true humility, to a state of awe. He aches every time I say, “yes, lord, I will.” out of an empty heart. He weeps at the sight of a lukewarm heart. He longs for you to wake up everyday say the words, I love you, to Him, and mean them. He didn’t just say those words to you. He meant them. With His arms stretched from side to side, between noise of the slamming hammer and the pain of tearing veins and the strong piercing of the thorns. Jesus, just barely being able to breathe, saying those last words, “It is Finished. Forgive them Father.” bowing His head, giving up His life, He was saying, I love YOU.


He wants a genuine love. Get rid of the evil, the lies, and the pride in your heart. Stop saying I will, start doing. Start acting. I know I need to start acting more. Acting out of love. I need to start recognizing more that I need to give this Love, know this Love, and cherish this Love. Cherish the One who is Love.

So, wherever your heart is, whether you woke up in a bad mood like me or theres something else going on. Remember the commitment of love. The love that Jesus fulfilled. The love He gave. The Gift He gave. God gives God. He gives Love, and wants your love. Your heart. Your being. He wants all of you. He longs for you. He weeps for you. He wants to know you. He loves you…

He so Loved YOU.

His Vision. My Provision.

Genesis 22:1-2, 6-18 (NIV)

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

2 Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” He said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son.”

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

15 The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, “I swear by Myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed Me.”

　

This passage has come up 6 times in the last week. I think you could say God is trying to get ahold of my heart? And boy has He! God has shown me several things through this passage . But, the one thing He has brought to my attention the most, is laying down my fear and worry on Marriage. Marriage is something I long for and can’t wait for. Its something I find so beautiful. Something so precious. Its not something I’m looking for satisfactory in, or to fill a hole. Its something that excites me, the fact of doing life with someone you love is an amazing journey. Its not out of selfishness or fleshly desires. Its just something I purely long for. Sharing stupid jokes with someone, sharing a life God has given both of us. Serving along side another. Sharing in the glory of the Kingdom. Its an exciting part of life. But also, on another hand it is also something I fear and am worried about. Something that is very hard and scary. I’m always thinking about it, and thinking about my future husband. Questions that often ponder my mind are, “who will I marry?” “Do I know him?” “is he even saved yet?” “Will our families get along?” “How will we meet?” “God when?”

Am I crazy?

But, God has finally grabbed hold of this part of my heart. He sees, He hears. He knows. He’s observing my heart, and my actions. His vision is my provision. He sees to it. He provides it, according to His will. Abraham laid down his only son. He didn’t follow God’s command worried, and he didn’t question what God was doing. Abraham didn’t walk faithless, and or hurried. He walked in full obedience, trusting and knowing his Mighty God was going to provide a sacrifice. He knew God was going to be faithful. He obeyed the Fathers voice. The Lord blessed his servant because he diligently served His God.

And this passage doesn’t just apply to this. We should live everyday in this example of surrender. Sacrificing everything. Everything and anything. God wants all of us. He wants every once of our hearts. Every inch of our being. He wants us. Sacrifice is an act of worship. We are sacrificing ourselves to pursue Him, to rid anything of ourselves so we can worship Him out of a pure heart. Sacrificing those things that are sinful, or causing us worry, and weariness, is going to draw us closer. We will be able to feel and experience more of Him, with all these distractions out of the way. When we trust in His plan, His word, His voice, He will bless us. He will fill us. We will be made well, and full of joy.

God showed me throughout this week, studying this passage, that He will bless me, he knows the desires which take place deep in the depths of my heart. He knows the longing for marriage which I hold in the innermost of me. He’s showing me to being those feelings before His alter, before His throne of love and mercy. And lay them down. He wants me to focus on becoming the woman my husband longs for, the wife he will need. The wife he desires. I know he will provide. In HIS time..
 As men and women in Christ, we need to focus on the love story already set in our hearts. The love story and pure romance between us and our Savior. As He delights in us, in our presence, and how He’s joyful to hear our voice. We need to delight in His presence, be joyful at the sound of His voice. Sharing our hearts with Him. Loving the one who IS love. Delighting in the ultimate bride groom. He’s already pursuing us, are we pursuing Him? Our ultimate longing should be an intimate romance and relationship with the One who gave Himself freely for us because He loves us so dearly! He longs for that. He longs for us… Isaiah 62:5 “..And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, So shall your God rejoice over you.”



He rejoices in our being. There’s a special bond between God and His children. A beautiful love story of such purity. And God’s desire for earthly marriages is to reflect that. So, with all that. God has been revealing to me, what the purpose of marriage is. How it is suppose to reflect Jesus and his bride, the church. He cares for, looks after, pursues his people. And the church obeys and summits themselves to Jesus. Serves Him. That’s the same for a marriage between man and woman, the man pursuing, loving, serving, and caring for his wife. And the wife summits and serves her husband. Both of them unconditionally loving one another. Reflecting the ultimate love story. Gods, preparing me. He’s preparing my husband, in this time of waiting, serving, and longing for our God. He’s preparing our hearts for one another. Once we are strong and completely satisfied in our Jesus, loving Him, serving Him, delighting in Him, our hearts hidden in Him, we will be ready for an earthly romance with the one God has for us.

I need to give this area of my heart daily to Christ. I need to guard my heart, and protect it. Save it for my husband. Become a virtuous woman of the Lord, and wait for my ultimate prince charming. Let God, mold me, shape me, let Him have FULL control. He has a purpose for everything He calls us to, and in order to experience all that purpose holds, we need to sacrifice the things that we desire out of self, and fill our hearts with His desires that will bring Him glory. He promises to satisfy us all in all. His promises are sure and powerful. He is mighty. He will provide for the longing soul.

　

　

He holds our hearts in the strong grip of His hand. And He holds it close to His heart, with perfect care and compassion. Protecting it.  

..Seasons..

“Lord, why is this happening?” “Lord, why aren’t you answering me?” “Lord, I need clarity.”

The prayers above, have been prayers I have been praying quite often. Have you been praying and ask similar questions? Are you in a season of life, where you are confused? What about angry? How about, unhappy, or depressed?

Yes?

Okay, good, I’m not the only one!

I have come to find, we as believers, go through a lot of seasons. Not trials in a sense. But, seasons. Often times, we tend to look at seasons, as trials, tough times, hardship. Maybe, a lot of the times they are. But, really its just a “testing” or season of CHANGE. Let me say that again.

A season of change.

　

These past few weeks, I had felt very confused, emotions flying from left to right, been hearing so much different advice, I didn’t know which was from the lord, or just self-seeking desires . I felt I was stuck in the middle of a four way stop, and I didn’t know what street I was supposed to walk down. I felt like things were passing me by up and down, and from left to right. I felt like I was getting hit from all corners. I just kept doing 360’s. “this street lord?” “wait, this street looks a lot nicer, is it this one?” I didn’t hear a thing. So, I just sat there, no idea where to go. What do I do at this point?

Its amazing, how the Lord can turn confusing situations like the one above into a beautiful story for His glory. How does He do that though? When we are faithful servants, SEEKING Him in all diligence. Praying and asking for HIS will to be done. When we TRUST Him.

So, sitting there, confused, looking which way to go. Feeling lost, and hurt. Sitting in silence. God spoke to me in that still small voice, gently touching my heart with his powerful words saying. “oh little one, why do you drop your head in shame, hurt, and confusion? In ME, you have none of these. But be full of JOY and PEACE, I have Overcome this already and will show you in which way to go. Keep your eyes upon Me, cling to the promises which I have made to you in My Word. So lift your head, and walk with Me. Stand upon my firm rock, I will draw you out of the waters which you drowned. Reach for My hand, and we will walk upon the water, and overcome what lies beneath you. Trust in me, oh little one…You are safe in the arms of My love..”
I started to trust Him again, and realized that, this wasn’t a life or death trial. It was simply, a season of change. A season of remodel. It reminded me how ALL knowing He is. He knows the blessings, the mountain top experiences, the joyful sound of our singing. He also knows the struggles, the seasons of change and testing, the cries for help, the moments of pain and hurt. He knows the moments we are in need of grace and mercy. He knows how quickly the devil can work to change that. We can go from that mountain top, to doubt and confusion in the valley. But, He’s always ready to speak, with His still small voice, reaching out with his hand. He’s ready to reach us, deep into the depths of our heart. He doesn’t just touch the surface. He goes deep, He reaches deep into the roots where the struggle starts. He goes for the heart.

Its like the Potter and the clay. We may think we have a handle on things, know what we want and don’t want, we have ideas, and dreams of things we think will make us happy and work around our own agenda. But, have you come to find, when that happens, the Lord has something more in mind. And it usually turns out better, right? He wants us to encounter Him, and trust in His plan, He wants us to listen to Him. This season of change might be where you feel more of the pressure of His hand, pressing upon your heart. Changing and renewing your mind. It might be painful and hard, but the outcome is going to make you stronger and more radiant then before. You might have more cutting edges, and you might be a little more stable in areas that you were more uneasy. This is His action of grace, and mercy, longsuffering, and lovingkindness. He’s taking the junk out, all the unnecessary things. Clearing out. Taking pieces out. This might be people, a sport, a job, these things might be causing you to fall away, bring more temptation. And He’s protecting you by replacing these things with holy, and God pleasing things that will bring Him glory and cause you to grow. The replacements are His way of smoothing out, cleaning up, healing wounds, and fixing up the shape. The shape of your heart. He wants a radical change and growth to take place. He is putting things back together. This is His gentle and loving touch. How the potter gently reshapes His clay. This season of life you are in, is God’s way of reshaping your heart and life. Seasons, are blessings, they are a time of growth. So whether you are stuck in a ditch or walking the road God has called you to in full obedience. Never stop trusting Him. He is faithful. He is Almighty. HE is ALL knowing…

  God causes us to go through things we don't understand daily. It's His way of testing our trust in him, and our faith in him. He is testing the genuineness of our faith. It's these moments of our lives, we need to learn to cherish, and admire God. It teaches us to press on to his presence, hold tight to his promises. The storm might be a light rain, or a heavy pour of hail. But the sun usually shines brighter after these storms. YOU WILL shine brighter after the storm. YOU WILL be stronger.



 This past weekend, we got a down pour of rain for a good three, four days, so as I was writing, God gave me this perspective on the way trials and hardships work. At least for me. So, as I sat in my room, bible in hand, praying for what God wanted me to finish up this post with. He gave me this. As I watched the rain, I noticed it had different levels and pressures. One hour it was pouring down hard, causing weight, and floods to happen everywhere. And then the next three hours would be a light rain, just touching the surface of the area. I realized, the rain also gives nutrients, causing things to grow, and sprout. It refreshes the soil in the ground. Makes it softer, so its able to give the plants proper nutrients it needs. God showed me, that's what the storms in our life do. We look at it a completely different way when in the midst of a trial, but have you have REALLY thought about it? Those storms in our lives, in the end are going to produce fruit and more sunshine. He's using the storm to soften a heart that might have been hardened, so he can work and let it bear the spiritual fruit it needs too. He doing it, to get your attention, grab hold of your heart. To help you see, you NEED to rely on Him and His faithfulness in order to get through it. There will be a point where you may feel flooded by emotions, confusion, brokenness, heartache, pain, and suffering. That's his way of telling you to open up areas of your life and reveal those areas to Him where you need to create some space, open up parts of your heart to him you may be holding back. He will drain out the pain and fill it with joy, peace, love, mercy, and gentleness. Storms sometimes create messes, but He is always there to help you clean up, and help you walk the road ahead. His Holy Spirit is in dwelling in you. always working, always comforting, and always loving. Keep walking through the storm, I promise you, the more you seek him, and love him, and trust him. The rain will stop, and the sun will soon shine.

 

Seek Me.

 

 
 Can I just start out this whole post by saying, “WOW!” What a week it has been, let me tell ya. Where do I even begin? I guess, I should start right at the beginning! The family vacation of the year.

On Sunday (Oct. 13^th) my family and I left to spend a few days in California, we were excited, ready for some sunshine and relaxation. Little did we know, family vacations don’t always turn out so “sunny.” My first day on my 10 day fast, (if it wasn’t hard enough, this was my first serious fast, ever!) I had warned everybody I would be a little on the irritable side. I had my excuse. We were driving along, so far so good. We get to California, the weather is perfect, the traffic? Not so much. We got hungry bellies, cramping legs, somebody’s stuff touching somebody elses stuff, and personal bubbles ready to burst. Where was the relaxation at? Driving along, trying to find our hotel, I was minding my own business, people watching (and let me tell ya, its not as fascinating as it sounds, its kind of horrifying if you ask me!) we finally find our hotel, ready to jump out of the car, stretch our legs, and breath our own air. Pulling up to the hotel, we were all kind of on the fence, it wasn’t no 5 star hotel, but, it was “livable.” We check in, get the room key, grab our stuff and ready to settle in. I walk in the door and, okay ladies, you know the smell when you walk into great grandma’s house? No, not that one, of the fresh cookies in the oven, the other one. The one where she spilled her perfume bottle on every square foot of the house, you know what I’m saying? That “elderly lady” smell? Anyways, besides the smell, it wasn’t all that horrible, nothing a little air freshener couldn’t fix. We unpack, and head out on the road to do some exploring.

Destination one, the famous 1,000 steps to the beach. Reality of the story, it was only half that. We are on our way, it’s a little more roomy in the car, all the junk is gone. Everyone is more comfortable, more at ease. We arrive at the destination, and the only parking, is parallel parking. (two things to keep in mind, small cars are everywhere in California, so that equals small parking spots and parallel parking is basically the only parking available.) So my dad, decides to pull in to one of those, tiny parking spots, takes him a good twenty minutes. (Again. Reality, only about 3.) Finally parked. Me and my mom look out our window ready to get out, we find that’s were Daisy Duck decided to plant her flower garden. And theres not 1, not 10, but at least 100 bees, covering this display of flowers. Me and my mom laugh in terror. There was NO way we were opening that door to get out. Hunger pains starting to take a toll on everyone, we are kind of irritable at this point. If looks could kill, we’d both be with Jesus by now. You know the look? Okay. Sliding through the car, family members yelling “hurry up!,” trying to beat the rush of traffic. Craziness was happening! Now, we are out of the car, everybody is okay. Next, we have to cross the street. It kind of looked like we were playing a round of the hokey pokey. One foot out, oh wait is that a car, put your foot back in!! We cross the street, come to the stairs. And now, I know why they call it one thousand steps. Because its got just as much torture as one thousand steps. These steps are steep and scary. But, now I know why people in California are so fit. We took a break probably every 10 steps, so it might have taken us a bit longer then the average person, but we did it. We reach the bottom, and there is nothing better then having the sand between your toes and open water before you. It instantly relaxes you. I was so happy to be on the beach. We take about 15 steps on the beach and I hear, “okay, lets got back!” Now, I’m moody. I thought going down those stairs hurt my buns, going up was a whole other story. We get back up, I feel like I just ran a marathon. We do our dance trying to cross the street, the stress of getting back in the car. (those personal bubbles have popped now.) we just want to call it a day. Next, we eat!

Have you seen those snickers candy bar commercials? Where their hungry, not themselves and their friend is like “hey, I think you need a snickers!” and they eat it and they are back to normal. Well, I witnessed the reality of that. Its amazing what food does to your mood when you are hungry. Full bellies, smiling faces, moods lifted. Now the vacation begins! (that was a joke) so the day goes on, we spend the day looking for a Wal-mart, or any type grocery store. Leg cramps are back and there is no such thing as a personal bubble anymore. We are on a mission for, food, a beach umbrella, and beach toys. And you California gals who may be reading this, I have a question for you. You live in a state, where the beach is available to you all year round, why aren’t the toys and umbrellas? Ahaha! We went to a target, sports good store, Wal-Mart, and a Vons. All in the same area. Figuring out who wants what on a sandwich, who can have gluten, who can’t. Who wants coffee, who can find coffee filters that fit the coffee pot in the hotel room. What store has dairy. (Because apparently the wal-mart we went to didn’t have any dairy products?) what store carries beach supplies. And after all this commotion, Come to find out that we only needed to go to one store for everything. But did we? Nope! We bought an umbrella at the sports goods store, we didn’t buy anything in target, we bought blankets and some food at Wal-mart, and the rest of the food at Vons. We literally went in a 360. That lasted till about 7:30pm. We get all our groceries, go back to the room. FINALLY settle down. We are there for good. The TV goes on, I go take a shower, get all cleaned up, sit on the bed, relax and have some me time with Jesus. I get all cozy in the bed. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. I start reading.

I hear a scream.

I’m thinking “Oh lord have mercy! What now?!” I come out of the room. My little sister saw a spider in the bathroom, and cob webs in the corner of the living room. Just what a 6 year old little girl needs to see, right?…she starts throwing a fit. Crying. Holding half her stuff. She is refusing to sleep there. She won’t touch nothing, won’t look at nothing. She thinks the place is haunted. (literally that’s what she called it, the “haunted hotel” for the entire vacation.) my mom calls the front desk, tells them the situation. Ladies, are you ready for this?.. I wasn’t. my mom hangs up the phone. And she tells us to pack up everything, we are changing hotels… you remember that look I was talking about earlier? The look of death that I received from my family? Well, now I was the one giving it. I had kept quiet all day long, focusing on Jesus during the first day of my fast. I blew. I was complaining the whole time packing up. The “death look” became my signature that night. (I asked for forgiveness at least 20 times after that.) we packed up all our belongings, things we bought at the store, in about 10 minutes. And checked out. I was totally relying on God’s grace and strength by this point. This was nuts! We arrive at hotel number 2, I ask permission to unpack, to make sure we are secure for the night. I got the thumbs up we were good. We are looking at what the hotel offers. This was the cherry on top. They provided breakfast, umbrellas, beach chairs, AND toys. So, everything we bought at the store? useless. That, being the last of the crazy day. We turn out the lights and call it a night.

Yea. I can’t believe that was all one day either! The rest of the vacation was sweet and precious. Full of many smiles, laughs, and we made sure of full bellies! We spent time at the beach, went whale watching and saw dolphins, went to Knott’s Berry Farm. It was a great few days, full of many memories. Good and bad.

Even through all that craziness, frustration, and anger. that’s life right there. Its messy, its hard, it sometimes doesn’t go the way we plan, but it always turns our for our good. It tests us, but it grows us. Family is a precious gift, that most of us take for granted. I learned that even through all this, and no matter how many times I was ready to commit murder that first day. (hehehe just kidding) I look back on it and smile. They help us grow, the stretch us. Family is sweet, it’s something to cherish. Their people who you can always count on, who stick with you. (Sometimes too close, haha!)

This week taught me that, relying on Jesus, needs to happen all the time. Not just on the “big” things in life. But every small detail. I had to rely on Him for grace, strength, and forgiveness. I needed to seek Him for patience and discipline. I needed to wait on Him for the outcome. I needed to rest in His peace and rest on his still ground. Jesus, showed me what being a true disciple looks like and what the heart of a disciple consists of. The disciples lives were messy, and hard. They were not perfect. They were people like us. But the difference between us and them. They were followers, worshipers and lovers of Jesus Christ. They relied on his grace and forgiveness. His love and mercy. And that was something I learned to do this week.

Can I just say there is something about the beach and Jesus, it just rocks your world. Its unbelievable. Sitting there, your feet in the sand, listening to the waves cash upon the shore, and looking out to the deep blue water does something to you. And as I sat there, God reminded me of his love. It made me think of when I had first come to Christ. Getting to know that love. Seeing how the waves kiss the shore, and how powerful it comes crashing down covering the sand. That’s us, and Jesus’ love. He kisses our soul with his love, covering our hearts with his powerful and unconditional love. And then, how the sea rolls back into the deep waters, drawing the sand into the water. Jesus drawing us in. into a deeper level of his love, to where we are covered from head to toe, drowning in his grace. And have you noticed, the deeper you get into the water, the more peaceful it becomes? That’s our lives with Jesus, the deeper and further we get into our relationship with him, there is a peace sustaining you, holding you up. Where nothing stands between you and the Son.

This whole week, not only taught me to rely on Him. But to also, SEEK Him. You know, as I was fasting and praying, I saw myself starting to focus more on what I was praying about rather than who I was praying to. I was focusing so much on praying for this certain thing and getting it answered, rather than pouring out my heart to God, and seeking Him and dwelling and growing in His presence. When I would read, I would try and find some type of “answer” for this prayer, but I found God redirecting me. Taking me to other scriptures, on different topics. He wanted to grow me during this fast, get to know me more, he wanted me to open my heart up more to him then I was before. He wanted me to Seek Him.

During the whole fast these passages came up, more then once.


Psalm 37:3-8

3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.


And

Verses 23 - 24


23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Verse 34


34 Wait on the Lord,
And keep His way,
And He shall exalt you to inherit the land;

And lastly

Verses 39 - 40

39 But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their strength in the time of trouble.
40 And the Lord shall help them and deliver them;
He shall deliver them from the wicked,
And save them,
Because they trust in Him.

We need to trust IN the LORD, not in what he is doing in our lives. We need to delight IN his desires, not our own.

We need to Seek IN the LORD, not the people he brings our way.

We need to rest IN the LORD, not keep walking our own crazy way.

We need to wait ON the LORD, His timing is far better then ours.

Everything we do, has to be IN the Lord, not out of selfish desires. But In and through Him. Everything we do, needs to filter through Him. Seek, read, pray. Sisters, delight in His ways. Trust in Him. Haven’t you found things go a lot better when you are deep in your walk, seeking Jesus on everything you do, rather than seeking your own desires? He knows what he is doing. Let Him grab hold of your heart like he did mine. And you want know how he answered my prayer? He said Seek Me. Know Me. Trust me. Love me. WAIT on Me.

He knows the desires you have in your heart. He knows mine, but the only way we will truly know if those desires are from Him or not, is if we surrender them completely. I did that and right now I am being patient, and Resting in Him. And you want to know why that’s so much more satisfying than worrying about whether or not its His will, it’s because it’s in His hands now. His presence, that deep love is what is sustaining my heart now. Fall in love with Jesus. Trust and Obey. Delight in Him, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart. His desires will become yours.

Seek. Him.


 

Faith Unshaken.

 

Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

　

Faith. Faith is believing in something we can not see, something that is true. Faith is a form of trust. Faith is a result of something or someone we are dependant on. Faith is that you’re certain at what you believe is true and you are certain that what you expect will come. Our Faith in Jesus is the same. We trust Jesus, and we have faith that His promises are good and sure. We are dependant on His Holy Spirit for strength and courage. Our faith should be unshakable.

God has been testing my faith in Him a lot these past few weeks. I have had Satan lingering in my mind bringing back struggles, anxieties and lies, deceiving my heart and mind. And I was being tested and tried to whether I should believe this stuff I was hearing, or rely on the truth that has already been set before me. It was this battle between flesh and spirit. But then I was reminded of two words. Unshaken faith. And I had to ask myself “what does this mean?“ So, I went to the Lord and asked Him to help me understand, what these two words meant. After about a two weeks, He showed me three things to help me have this “Unshakable Faith.”

　

1.) Hide my heart in His word. Now, as a Christian I should have already understood this statement. But, He made me realize I didn’t. My heart wasn’t completely hidden in His word. See ladies, we need to constantly be seeking, praying, reading and knocking. We need to know how to fight strong in those times of struggle and warfare. And the ONLY way we can be strong and unshaken is by studying and knowing His word and voice. We need to have the word written on our hearts so we remember the truth and promise of our Savior. When Satan tries to lure you in with a lie you can shoot right back at him with the Truth that you have studied. So, to say that, the struggles won’t lessen and be easier but you will have the strength to get through them and the truth will be set before you.

2.) Talk to Him. I have not realized just how important and satisfying it is to pour out and share my desires with Jesus, until now. The power of prayer is such an amazing thing. Prayer is not only such an amazing gift but a privilege to us as Christians. It’s so awesome to have freedom to talk to and pour out to someone who cares for us and loves us so unconditionally! He longs for us to come to Him and share our hearts desires. And when we genuinely seek Him and ask in His name, He will give them to you if it is His will. Prayer is a way of preparing our hearts for our day. A way to check our attitude and to clear our hearts and minds of any wickedness and distraction. We are allowing Him in, and opening up our hearts to His presence. We need to be on our knees praying more often then we think.

 

3.) Let your faith be genuine. Now this was something I felt like He laid heavy on my heart. “Let your faith be genuine” Those words pondered my mind and heart for awhile. Our faith needs to be sincere and genuine. It needs to be true and heartfelt. It needs to be alive and REAL. It can’t just be a term we use, or a quote we say. It needs to flow through the heart, not just from our mouth. Like I said earlier, our faith needs to be strong and unshaken.

　

After He laid this points on my heart He pressed a portion of scripture on my heart from 1 Peter verses 3-9..


“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.”

　

Verse 7 is what stuck out to me those most. Where it says, “…that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ…”

Though our faith is tested by various trials and struggles, our souls were made to praise Him, in and out of the storm. Its our faith that gets us through. Our faith in Jesus is what makes us whole. There is no way to get around, above, or under the lies, the struggles of everyday life, the spiritual warfare and the valleys. The only way to do it, is to get through them. To go through them. To grow through them, and to have faith through them. Just like psalmist David said, “Yes, even though I walk through the valley. I will fear no evil, for I KNOW YOU are with me…” Jesus, is faithful, He is slow to anger, and quick to love.




Jesus didn’t declare that you need a mountain of faith to move a mustard seed. But, you only need a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain. For anything is possible if you trust in Jesus. Could you imagine though? If we DID have faith the size of a mountain, how much more God could do.. Yes, He is faithful and can do all things. But, in order to do these things in our lives, we need faith and trust in Him, with nothing in our way. We need to give those anxieties, those lies, and struggles to Him, those little speed bumps in the road. They slow us down. In order to run our race, we can’t have any baggage, any weights, we can’t have things weighing us down. The less on our shoulders, the faster and stronger we run. That applies to our relationship with Jesus, to keep our relationship strong with Him, we need to get the anxieties out of our hearts, off our mind. You see, Faith believes in the future against the present. We believe the promises of God for our tomorrow which gives us JOY for TODAY. He gives us rest for our future. He has a hope and plan for you, so there is no need to worry, have joy in today.

Often times when we are trying to get away from our struggles, sins, and anxieties we are in a way dwelling on them. Have you ever thought about that? What we do is we go through this period of time where we keep saying to ourselves, “NOPE! I’m not gonna do it.” or “I’m not going to think about this struggle.” and “I won’t think about so and so anymore.” you see, in a way, those things are still consuming our minds. Here is what we need to be saying. “Dwell on whatever things are TRUE, whatever things are NOBLE, whatever things are JUST, things that are PURE, good report, meditate on these things. - (Philippians 4:8) When we start to fill our hearts and minds with truth, our faith becomes stronger, and our anxieties start to lessen. Focus on the things that are lovely, the promises of God, The hope we have in Him, meditate on Scripture. You’ll be so lost and deep into truth there will be no room in your mind and heart for lies and anxieties to come in. Jesus will fill your all in all. HE will make you whole. He sustains you. The light will shine so bright from your heart, darkness won’t have a place there. This kind of pure faith in Christ won’t just hold you up for now until the next struggle, but it will keep you and help you face death itself. Courageous, unshakable faith, in Jesus. Before our feet hit the ground in the morning, we need to be saying, “Jesus, not my will, but YOURS be done. I have faith in you, and will trust in your promises, forever more.”

I like to think of our faith in Jesus, sort of like A blind man has faith in his guide. The blind man needs enough trust and faith in his guide to know that his next destination is going to be good and safe. He needs enough faith to know that his guide is always going to be right by his side. And the guide has him in perfect care, he is always by the mans side, talking to him, taking him from place to place, making sure he has all he needs. And his walking stick, its something he can lean on, something to help guide him, to know what lies in front of him, it’s a tool to help him. The bible is our tool, the bible is something we can lead on, something to redirect our thoughts towards the truth, it helps us understand the goodness of God. We are the blind man, Jesus is our guide.

Do you have faith in your guide? Do you have things getting in the way of your relationship with Him?

Sweet sister, I know its hard, and this maybe sound like a lot of talk. But its possible, Jesus has so much for you! He wants you to be faithful to Him. He has His best in store for you, and He won’t fail to deliver it. But you need to remove the anxieties from your heart so He can do all He has planned to do. He wants your whole heart. Cast all your worries and burdens on Him, for He cares for you. He loves you and is so full of truth. Run your race in faith, and He will not fail to give you complete peace.

　

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting ALL your care upon Him, for He cares for YOU. - 1 Peter 5:6-7

Abide in Faith - 1 Corinthians 13:13

　

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace which we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. - Romans 5:1-2

Sacred Singleness: Today I Am

This book rocked my world, even if it was the second time around. Sacred Singleness is an amazing book for young women to truly understand what singleness means, what a life of abandonment to Christ looks like, and what a godly woman looks like. Leslie Ludy, was right on point with everything she said and is an amazing example of a godly woman. As I read through this book a second time, (first time I read it was in the 8^th grade, and couldn’t really relate to it as much) being a senior in high school now, God totally just renewed my heart and opened my eyes to what a life completely sold out for Christ looks like.

The word “Abandonment” came to mind a lot throughout my study of this book. Different thoughts came to my mind on this one word, I prayed and asked God to reveal the purpose of pressing this word upon my heart. And I came across this quote in the book that described it perfectly:

　

Abandonment is practiced by continually losing your own will in the will of God; by plunging your will into the depths of His will, there to be lost forever! Abandonment must reach a point where you stand in complete indifference to yourself. The attitude will bring you to the most wonderful point imaginable--where your will breaks free of you completely and becomes free to be joined to the will of God! You will desire only what He desires.

- Madame Jeanne Guyon

　

　

God answered my prayer right there. What true abandonment is in Christ. To be joyfully abandoned to Jesus, to have a thriving love story with your Savior. To rid ones selfish desires. To live in complete surrender. After I read this chapter that’s where God changed my heart, and showed me that singleness isn’t a burden, it’s a blessing. Today in modern Christianity, relationships and marriage are in a way pressured upon us. You have people ask the famous question, “So, have you met Mr. Right?” and when your answer is no, people almost feel sorry for you. Like you need a man to complete you, or have this certain status or ranking. But, ladies here is the reality, we already have a man. We have Jesus. Jesus is our ultimate love, knight and shining armor, our Prince. He is constantly pursuing us, loving us, caring for us and cherishing us. The Bible is a love story, a romance between Jesus and His bride. God is a God of romance. He longs for an intimate relationship with you. He is our Beloved, the Lover of our soul. He alone is the one who fills all in all. He is our portion. I know it may be easier to talk the talk than walk the walk. Yes, we are going to struggle with loneliness, and the desires for a relationship. But, we have the freedom, the choice to bring those feelings to an Altar of Grace. Where those desires and emotions are placed in a Kings hand. And our souls are at rest. He is in control. His timing is perfect.

Another statement stood out to me as I studied this book, the statement “Today I am.” When us gals hear the words, “called to a life of singleness,” we kind of tremble at the thought. This fear of being lonely takes over you, and we are worried about the next ten years of our life whether we are going to be single or married for the rest of our lives. But instead of trying to find little ways to solve this “dilemma” with a boyfriend, romantic movies, and so on. The Bible tells is we should be consumed with loving, knowing, worshiping, and living for Jesus Christ. I know it may sound absolutely impossible at the moment to be thrilled and satisfied in a life of singleness, but if you submit your mind, and desires to Him, He will enable you with the peace and satisfaction in order to walk the path God is calling you to.

Taking it one day at a time is the only way to do it, ever since reading this book I have had the “Today I am” attitude. This attitude involves not worrying about the next 5 years, its about trusting in God for grace to live full of joy and contently for that day alone, knowing Jesus is the only One you need in that day. Being content in His presence, one day at a time. Today I am, choosing to live a life pleasing and honoring to Jesus, serving His kingdom independently, abandoned to His Presence. And living that day by day until God so pleases to bring you your future Husband. ( and even then we still should not lose this attitude.) Starting in the morning, by asking Him for grace and peace. Spending time with Him, sharing your deepest desires with Him and taking that along with your day. Those thoughts of “a life of loneliness” creep up on us, but its in those moments you feel Gods love even more. His presence is like a comforting hug, His arms are ready to wrap around you. His voice is like a sweet gentle kiss, and His hand is strong and reaching our for yours from the minute you get up in the morning, until your head hit’s the pillow before bed, He is always ready to care for your deepest needs. So sisters, don’t look at singleness as impossible, it’s a growing process. It doesn’t happen over night, it takes time and patience. And complete abandonment.

Singleness is a chance to embrace the service of the Kingdom. When single, nothing is holding you back from going on long term missions trips, or serving at different events, helping out at shelters and soup kitchens, getting involved in ministry groups and teams. It is a time of exploring, a time of excitement, and new adventures. Not saying you can’t do that with a spouse, of course that would be a blessing in it self. But, having that time to serve your King in a one on one way is incredible. To be able to give your time, to completely serve Jesus and worship Jesus. Your heart absolutely devoted to loving, and cherishing Him. There is so much satisfaction in living for Jesus alone. He is waiting for an intimate, romance with His precious bride. Are you ready to open up your heart?

　

So beloved, will you have the “Today I am” attitude? Will you live your life in complete abandonment to Christ? One day at a time… Jesus is always pursuing His Bride. Make Jesus the Husband of your heart.