Can I just start out this whole post by saying, “WOW!” What a week it has been, let me tell ya. Where do I even begin? I guess, I should start right at the beginning! The family vacation of the year.
On Sunday (Oct. 13th) my family and I left to spend a few days in California, we were excited, ready for some sunshine and relaxation. Little did we know, family vacations don’t always turn out so “sunny.” My first day on my 10 day fast, (if it wasn’t hard enough, this was my first serious fast, ever!) I had warned everybody I would be a little on the irritable side. I had my excuse. We were driving along, so far so good. We get to California, the weather is perfect, the traffic? Not so much. We got hungry bellies, cramping legs, somebody’s stuff touching somebody elses stuff, and personal bubbles ready to burst. Where was the relaxation at? Driving along, trying to find our hotel, I was minding my own business, people watching (and let me tell ya, its not as fascinating as it sounds, its kind of horrifying if you ask me!) we finally find our hotel, ready to jump out of the car, stretch our legs, and breath our own air. Pulling up to the hotel, we were all kind of on the fence, it wasn’t no 5 star hotel, but, it was “livable.” We check in, get the room key, grab our stuff and ready to settle in. I walk in the door and, okay ladies, you know the smell when you walk into great grandma’s house? No, not that one, of the fresh cookies in the oven, the other one. The one where she spilled her perfume bottle on every square foot of the house, you know what I’m saying? That “elderly lady” smell? Anyways, besides the smell, it wasn’t all that horrible, nothing a little air freshener couldn’t fix. We unpack, and head out on the road to do some exploring.
Destination one, the famous 1,000 steps to the beach. Reality of the story, it was only half that. We are on our way, it’s a little more roomy in the car, all the junk is gone. Everyone is more comfortable, more at ease. We arrive at the destination, and the only parking, is parallel parking. (two things to keep in mind, small cars are everywhere in California, so that equals small parking spots and parallel parking is basically the only parking available.) So my dad, decides to pull in to one of those, tiny parking spots, takes him a good twenty minutes. (Again. Reality, only about 3.) Finally parked. Me and my mom look out our window ready to get out, we find that’s were Daisy Duck decided to plant her flower garden. And theres not 1, not 10, but at least 100 bees, covering this display of flowers. Me and my mom laugh in terror. There was NO way we were opening that door to get out. Hunger pains starting to take a toll on everyone, we are kind of irritable at this point. If looks could kill, we’d both be with Jesus by now. You know the look? Okay. Sliding through the car, family members yelling “hurry up!,” trying to beat the rush of traffic. Craziness was happening! Now, we are out of the car, everybody is okay. Next, we have to cross the street. It kind of looked like we were playing a round of the hokey pokey. One foot out, oh wait is that a car, put your foot back in!! We cross the street, come to the stairs. And now, I know why they call it one thousand steps. Because its got just as much torture as one thousand steps. These steps are steep and scary. But, now I know why people in California are so fit. We took a break probably every 10 steps, so it might have taken us a bit longer then the average person, but we did it. We reach the bottom, and there is nothing better then having the sand between your toes and open water before you. It instantly relaxes you. I was so happy to be on the beach. We take about 15 steps on the beach and I hear, “okay, lets got back!” Now, I’m moody. I thought going down those stairs hurt my buns, going up was a whole other story. We get back up, I feel like I just ran a marathon. We do our dance trying to cross the street, the stress of getting back in the car. (those personal bubbles have popped now.) we just want to call it a day. Next, we eat!
Have you seen those snickers candy bar commercials? Where their hungry, not themselves and their friend is like “hey, I think you need a snickers!” and they eat it and they are back to normal. Well, I witnessed the reality of that. Its amazing what food does to your mood when you are hungry. Full bellies, smiling faces, moods lifted. Now the vacation begins! (that was a joke) so the day goes on, we spend the day looking for a Wal-mart, or any type grocery store. Leg cramps are back and there is no such thing as a personal bubble anymore. We are on a mission for, food, a beach umbrella, and beach toys. And you California gals who may be reading this, I have a question for you. You live in a state, where the beach is available to you all year round, why aren’t the toys and umbrellas? Ahaha! We went to a target, sports good store, Wal-Mart, and a Vons. All in the same area. Figuring out who wants what on a sandwich, who can have gluten, who can’t. Who wants coffee, who can find coffee filters that fit the coffee pot in the hotel room. What store has dairy. (Because apparently the wal-mart we went to didn’t have any dairy products?) what store carries beach supplies. And after all this commotion, Come to find out that we only needed to go to one store for everything. But did we? Nope! We bought an umbrella at the sports goods store, we didn’t buy anything in target, we bought blankets and some food at Wal-mart, and the rest of the food at Vons. We literally went in a 360. That lasted till about 7:30pm. We get all our groceries, go back to the room. FINALLY settle down. We are there for good. The TV goes on, I go take a shower, get all cleaned up, sit on the bed, relax and have some me time with Jesus. I get all cozy in the bed. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. I start reading.
I hear a scream.
I’m thinking “Oh lord have mercy! What now?!” I come out of the room. My little sister saw a spider in the bathroom, and cob webs in the corner of the living room. Just what a 6 year old little girl needs to see, right?…she starts throwing a fit. Crying. Holding half her stuff. She is refusing to sleep there. She won’t touch nothing, won’t look at nothing. She thinks the place is haunted. (literally that’s what she called it, the “haunted hotel” for the entire vacation.) my mom calls the front desk, tells them the situation. Ladies, are you ready for this?.. I wasn’t. my mom hangs up the phone. And she tells us to pack up everything, we are changing hotels… you remember that look I was talking about earlier? The look of death that I received from my family? Well, now I was the one giving it. I had kept quiet all day long, focusing on Jesus during the first day of my fast. I blew. I was complaining the whole time packing up. The “death look” became my signature that night. (I asked for forgiveness at least 20 times after that.) we packed up all our belongings, things we bought at the store, in about 10 minutes. And checked out. I was totally relying on God’s grace and strength by this point. This was nuts! We arrive at hotel number 2, I ask permission to unpack, to make sure we are secure for the night. I got the thumbs up we were good. We are looking at what the hotel offers. This was the cherry on top. They provided breakfast, umbrellas, beach chairs, AND toys. So, everything we bought at the store? useless. That, being the last of the crazy day. We turn out the lights and call it a night.
Yea. I can’t believe that was all one day either! The rest of the vacation was sweet and precious. Full of many smiles, laughs, and we made sure of full bellies! We spent time at the beach, went whale watching and saw dolphins, went to Knott’s Berry Farm. It was a great few days, full of many memories. Good and bad.
Even through all that craziness, frustration, and anger. that’s life right there. Its messy, its hard, it sometimes doesn’t go the way we plan, but it always turns our for our good. It tests us, but it grows us. Family is a precious gift, that most of us take for granted. I learned that even through all this, and no matter how many times I was ready to commit murder that first day. (hehehe just kidding) I look back on it and smile. They help us grow, the stretch us. Family is sweet, it’s something to cherish. Their people who you can always count on, who stick with you. (Sometimes too close, haha!)
This week taught me that, relying on Jesus, needs to happen all the time. Not just on the “big” things in life. But every small detail. I had to rely on Him for grace, strength, and forgiveness. I needed to seek Him for patience and discipline. I needed to wait on Him for the outcome. I needed to rest in His peace and rest on his still ground. Jesus, showed me what being a true disciple looks like and what the heart of a disciple consists of. The disciples lives were messy, and hard. They were not perfect. They were people like us. But the difference between us and them. They were followers, worshipers and lovers of Jesus Christ. They relied on his grace and forgiveness. His love and mercy. And that was something I learned to do this week.
Can I just say there is something about the beach and Jesus, it just rocks your world. Its unbelievable. Sitting there, your feet in the sand, listening to the waves cash upon the shore, and looking out to the deep blue water does something to you. And as I sat there, God reminded me of his love. It made me think of when I had first come to Christ. Getting to know that love. Seeing how the waves kiss the shore, and how powerful it comes crashing down covering the sand. That’s us, and Jesus’ love. He kisses our soul with his love, covering our hearts with his powerful and unconditional love. And then, how the sea rolls back into the deep waters, drawing the sand into the water. Jesus drawing us in. into a deeper level of his love, to where we are covered from head to toe, drowning in his grace. And have you noticed, the deeper you get into the water, the more peaceful it becomes? That’s our lives with Jesus, the deeper and further we get into our relationship with him, there is a peace sustaining you, holding you up. Where nothing stands between you and the Son.
This whole week, not only taught me to rely on Him. But to also, SEEK Him. You know, as I was fasting and praying, I saw myself starting to focus more on what I was praying about rather than who I was praying to. I was focusing so much on praying for this certain thing and getting it answered, rather than pouring out my heart to God, and seeking Him and dwelling and growing in His presence. When I would read, I would try and find some type of “answer” for this prayer, but I found God redirecting me. Taking me to other scriptures, on different topics. He wanted to grow me during this fast, get to know me more, he wanted me to open my heart up more to him then I was before. He wanted me to Seek Him.
During the whole fast these passages came up, more then once.
Psalm 37:3-8
3 Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.
6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.
7 Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.
And
Verses 23 - 24
23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Verse 34
34 Wait on the Lord,
And keep His way,
And He shall exalt you to inherit the land;
And lastly
Verses 39 - 40
39 But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord;
He is their strength in the time of trouble.
40 And the Lord shall help them and deliver them;
He shall deliver them from the wicked,
And save them,
Because they trust in Him.
We need to trust IN the LORD, not in what he is doing in our lives. We need to delight IN his desires, not our own.
We need to Seek IN the LORD, not the people he brings our way.
We need to rest IN the LORD, not keep walking our own crazy way.
We need to wait ON the LORD, His timing is far better then ours.
Everything we do, has to be IN the Lord, not out of selfish desires. But In and through Him. Everything we do, needs to filter through Him. Seek, read, pray. Sisters, delight in His ways. Trust in Him. Haven’t you found things go a lot better when you are deep in your walk, seeking Jesus on everything you do, rather than seeking your own desires? He knows what he is doing. Let Him grab hold of your heart like he did mine. And you want know how he answered my prayer? He said Seek Me. Know Me. Trust me. Love me. WAIT on Me.
He knows the desires you have in your heart. He knows mine, but the only way we will truly know if those desires are from Him or not, is if we surrender them completely. I did that and right now I am being patient, and Resting in Him. And you want to know why that’s so much more satisfying than worrying about whether or not its His will, it’s because it’s in His hands now. His presence, that deep love is what is sustaining my heart now. Fall in love with Jesus. Trust and Obey. Delight in Him, and He WILL give you the desires of your heart. His desires will become yours.
Seek. Him.
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